Popping the Question
In case the term is no longer in use, the idea of popping the question is that a person in a relationship (usually the man) would ask the other person to marry him. This would not be the end of a long conversation that had taken place over a period of months. This would be a surprise that came out of the blue, thus, popping the question
Many television dramas and sitcoms have centered around the theme of will he or won’t he, and what would it mean if he did. If it sounds a little like a plot point in a show for teens, that may have to do with the fact that people used to get married a lot younger in this country. There was a lot of pressure to get hitched and settle down shortly after high school.
People are getting married later. The new average is 29 for men and 27 for women. That has proven to be extremely beneficial for women. Popping the question below age 20 involves two people who are not quite over teen angst.
It puts a lot of pressure on the woman to say yes before she is emotionally or financially ready. And people have suffered a lot of unnecessary heartache because of a practice that sounds more like a prank for a game show than the start of a lifelong decision. Though it is the stuff of soap operas, there are better ways of having the marriage conversation than popping the question. Here are a few:
Be Up Front About It
Popping the question almost makes it sound like the proposal came as a surprise. It shouldn’t. No one should date for several months without knowing that marriage is where the relationship is heading. If you are not the marrying kind, just say so up front. Put it right in your dating profile on whatever dating app you use.
However, if you are looking for a relationship that culminates in giving or receiving one of the finer engagement rings San Diego jewelry experts can recommend, you should say that up front. Let your potential dating partners know what you are looking for, and how you hope the process will end.
While it is true that talking about marriage up front will frighten off a lot of candidates, those are the candidates you want to frighten off. When both parties go into the relationship knowing that nuptials are the goal, no one is surprised when the question is asked.
Progress the Relationship with Intention
It is not enough to be clear that you are looking for a stable relationship. And you should do more than drop hints. Men are notoriously bad at taking hints. Men can also go on in a stagnant relationship for a long time without noticing. If your relationship already feels like marriage to him, he might not be inclined to progress the relationship forward.
It is critical that you progress the relationship intentionally in stages toward a goal. And don’t be coy. Talk about it every step of the way. You don’t have to go shopping for curtains on your first date. But relationships have milestones. Plan them out together. Check in with one another and see where you are and what the next steps are. By the time the question comes up, no hints will be needed.
Know When to Backout
What you need to know is that it is not a bad thing to end a relationship that was not headed in the right direction. There are other people that will be more compatible. There is a lot of pressure to end a relationship in marriage if you have invested several months into it. But you owe it to yourself and your partner, to be honest about the way things are unfolding. It is better to realize you have a bad fit before any question is popped, ring purchased, and vows exchanged.
None of this is to say that there can be no romance surrounding the beginning of an engagement. There just shouldn’t be any shocked surprise by the idea that the person you have been dating for 9 months wants to spend their life with you. Keep the romance. Dispense with the surprise. Let it be known up front what you are looking for. Advance the relationship with intention. And know when to call it quits. Better conversations about marriage when dating leads to better marriages.